


Love Is (the Death is My Gift remix)

by Rebcake



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Reality, Babies, F/M, Post Finale, Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-03
Updated: 2013-07-03
Packaged: 2017-12-17 14:20:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/868550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rebcake/pseuds/Rebcake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xander gives this love thing some thought just as his life takes a turn. It's scary stuff.</p><p>(Based on a story in which Spike, Riley, Andrew, and Wood die in the Hellmouth, while Anya survives.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Is (the Death is My Gift remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Enemies](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/24124) by sroni. 



You always hurt the one you love.

Often, you hurt the one you just like a lot.

Xander tried to think of any exceptions to the cliché in the people he knew.

Not his parents, that was for sure.

Buffy was his hero, no doubt about that, but she didn’t have the greatest track record with guys. She’d sent Angel to Hell, and Riley and Spike to the bottom of a crater. Not that those last two was her fault, exactly, but just try and make _her_ believe it.

Sweet little Dawnie — and heaven help him if she ever heard him call her that — had managed to dust her first date with a handy dandy #2 pencil, so she was well on her way to being her sister’s sister in the dating department. He hoped she never heard that from him, either.

Will? Well, Willow hadn’t managed to actually kill any of her lovers, though he sometimes wondered how come Kennedy was still breathing. But, when he was feeling a lot more contemplative than he liked, he pondered whether Tara’s death was the “price” Anya had warned about after they brought Buffy back. There was no joy on that train of thought, so he generally let it pass on by.

You’d think that Anya would be a gold mine of dead and dismembered exes, but not so much. She had turned that one guy into a troll, which probably counted. Maybe not though, since Olaf seemed to like his trollishness an awful lot. Maybe she was a softer touch than she let on. He should know. After their disastrous wedding that wasn’t, she hadn’t hurt him. Not as much as he probably deserved. Not physically anyway. She’d tried, or so she said. But the other cliché had turned out to be true for her — living well is the best revenge. Seeing her so happy with Giles had stung worse than any maiming. For a little while. Now that he’d actually been maimed, he was more than ready to accept that seeing your friends find love together wasn’t the worst thing. He’d got to the point where he was genuinely happy for them both.

Giles might be the exception to the “love hurts” rule. He couldn’t be blamed for Ms. Calendar’s death, not really. Xander was never sure what sent Olivia heading for the hills, but he was willing to bet that it wasn’t any nefarious action from Giles that did it. Xander did have his suspicions about what went on back in the Black Magic 70s, though. That Ethan guy was entirely too focused on getting back at Giles for _something_ , and now that Xander was older, he had a pretty good idea what. But maybe Giles was an example of how youthful thoughtlessness could be turned around. People could change, or at least become more careful and considerate, right? He knew it was possible. He’d seen it.

As far as Xander knew, he was the only boytoy Faith had tried to choke to death. She might blame herself for not doing something different that night in the wine cellar, but he’d long since learned that not saving someone (or their eye) was not the same as doing the damage yourself.

He oughta know. He hadn’t saved Jesse. Or Ms. French. Or Ampata. Cordelia. Lissa from the Home Depot. True, a bunch of them were trying to kill him, but he’d felt a connection with every one of them, and it hadn’t been enough.

And now? Well, now he _knew_ he was to blame.

He’d given up trying to hold Faith’s hand and knew he’d made the right call when the metal railing of the hospital bed showed the imprints of her fingers. He tried to make up for it with the liberal application of cooling ice chips and frequent offerings of electrolyte-laden beverages. She was a trooper, of course, but every muttered “damn” during a contraction was like a lance to his heart.

“Bet you’re pretty proud of yourself,” Faith accused, at one point. She was getting annoyed at the way he stuck a straw between her lips after every contraction and batted the drinking apparatus away.

“No,” he replied, honestly. “Kinda too worried right now.”

“Don’t worry, Cyclops. I got this. Shit.” She brushed her hair back with one hand and he could see the concentration drop over her in an instant. The midwives bustled around, checking all their equipment. Xander had seen apocalypses averted with less gear.

“Time to push,” announced the midwife.

She was magnificent, no surprise. He was feeling pretty proud, actually. Of her. He also felt guilty. He’d got her into this, but it was a struggle she had to fight all on her own, with only the most trivial help from him.

Was it weird that he found her mama bear growls arousing?

There was a lot of blood. He’d seen enough battles to know it wasn’t anywhere near the “omighod, blood!” stage, but he didn’t feel great about it, either. She was groaning — and yes, it was a little sexy. She was groaning and bleeding, and it was because of him. He had caused her this pain that she was bearing so bravely.

The baby’s head crowned. The midwives instructed Xander on how to catch it. Her. A girl. She slipped right into his waiting hands and blinked up at him. He stared at her with his one eye, amazed.

“Hey. What’d we get?” asked Faith, relaxing against the pillows.

“She’s a girl.” He knew he sounded all kinds of dopey.

“Lemme see.” He placed the infant into her outstretched arms. They folded up to support the baby with only the slightest bit of bobbling. She gave the little human a once-over tinged with wonder. She looked up at Xander with the widest smile he’d ever seen.

“Whatdaya know? Two eyes and everything.”

He laughed. His eye began to water, and he let it.

You always hurt the one you love. You even hurt because of them.

It’s worth it.

_FIN_  



End file.
